Tears from the rain

Dear Cha,

Today is morning and it's Friday, it's dark, gloomy, and I'm glad to back at home in one piece. It seems like the sun won't shed any light for me. A lot has happen for us lately and I got the feeling it tries comfort me. Did you remember when I told you that I feel happy whenever it rains? I will jump to my seat, goes excited, chanting happily that it's going to rain. I don't know why I like the rain so much. Perhaps, the cold breeze that keeps me warm or the teardrops and sound of the rain that is hitting the floor? I just don't really know. But despite all this weather, the mood, nothing is more devastating when all your crystal moments which came down to earth falls, shattered to pieces. You struggle to get the pieces back, but there is nothing you can do and can be done.

Before my shift ends Cha, I can help myself being all emotional, unaware from my co-workers and I that I was already shedding tears on my cubicle. I went to the bathroom as fast as I can, trying to suppress all the tears coming, but everything just succumb me, my body goes numb, my whole face are tingling, I can't fold my fingers, my lips goes pale, my stomach being squeeze, I'm catching my breathe, the tears won't stop falling, and on my knees, weakened. This is the first time that happens to me and it is so unfair that I struggle to get back up nor control it. I touch my left chest and started mumbling, begging, "Don't do this to me!". I went inside the toilet, sitting there, tried to relax and finally get a hold of myself after 40 minutes. I then wash my face, trying to wash away those red eyes of mine. When I'm back at my feet, I slowly went inside to my office slowly looking at our office floor tiles, pretending to fascinate it and not looking towards my co-workers because I don't want them to notice how my eyes are red. I grab a seat and pretend like nothing happens.

Up until now I struggle to fight this emotion and I'm not sure if I can do this alone. I need to move, work, or talk random topics to my friends just to ease everything. I do found myself myself uneasy and irritated. I don't want this on the first place but I have to face them. The only weapon I have, is to write what I feel right now. Its like my personal diary, my way letting all letting it all out. Anyway Cha, I'm just here getting back to you.

Regards,
Ian